Today, I clung for dear life.
I was in the jeepney with two school mates at one of the busiest roads of the metro—Commonwealth Avenue. I was feeling pretty good about myself since I was on my way home from the last of a 5-session fieldwork.
We were traversing the long stretch at high speeds with the wind blowing on my face. I was seated right next to the doorless exit, and a sudden urge to jump crept inside me. It made my heart beat faster out of fear as I remembered how this urge would try to kill me in the tricycles of Katipunan Avenue, the pedestrian overpasses of Manila, etc.
I shuddered as I tried to shake this feeling off of me. I faced the inside of the jeep and tightly held the overhead railing with one hand and my bag with the other. I focused on taking deep breaths to distract myself.
“Malayo pa naman diba?” my schoolmate asked.
“Malayo pa yung bababaan natin.”
“Oh, yeah. It’s far pa.”
“Haha. Nakahawak ka kasi sa bag mo na parang bababa ka na.”
I smiled and looked away as I realized that she was oblivious to the turmoil inside me.
I survived, thankful for another day. I still couldn’t make sense of why this happens to me, and frankly, it frightens me knowing how gravely lethal this sickness can be, but I survived. I’m strong. I have a Protector Who keeps me alive.